The Path Between Hope and Fear

I had two other blogs for a while: The Book of Hope and The Book of Fear, but today it occurred to me that it would be better to just combine them and mix the posts, because I'd rather not have a non-believer end up at the Book of Fear and think "Wow, those Muslims are screwed up! Their God is so mean!". So, I removed those two and made one new website pathofhopeandfear.blogspot.com. And I'll try and post something every monday! :)

Jealousy

Jealousy is that feeling of dislike towards someone who has “more” than you. More power, more knowledge, more wealth, beauty, whatever. And unfortunately for us:

Narrated AbuHurayrah: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Avoid envy, for envy devours good deeds just as fire devours fuel or (he said) "grass." (Book #41, Hadith #4885)

In our daily lives, we usually find ourselves with one or both of the following cases of envy:

Case 1:

This is the envy in which you see someone with a blessing and you wish that the blessing be taken away from them. You hate that they are blessed to the point where you don’t even care if you get the blessing, you just don’t want that person to have it.

Example: Your co-worker, goes out and buys that sports car you’ve been wanting forever, but knew you could never afford because you have other things to spend you money on. You don’t even care if you can never buy one, you’re just so jealous of him that you hope someone steals it, or it gets bashed to bits.

Case 2:

This envy starts off the same way as case 1, someone gets a blessing and you get jealous, but it ends with you simply wanting the blessing too (and/or more) and NOT wishing that the blessing be removed from the person you are envying.

Example: You get your midterms back and the girl in front of you scored a 95%. You look at your paper and you scored a 75%. Hatred and loathing boil up inside of you as you slowly reach for her neck to throttle her, and just as your hands are so close to her neck you can feel her body heat, you slump back in your chair and think. “Guh, you win this time smart girl. I wish I was as smart as her.”

According to the following hadiths, however,

Narrated Ibn Masud: I heard the Prophet saying, "There is no envy except in two: a person whom Allah has given wealth and he spends it in the right way, and a person whom Allah has given wisdom (i.e. religious knowledge) and he gives his decisions accordingly and teaches it to the others." (Book #24, Hadith #490)

Salim narrated on the authority of his father (Ibn 'Umar) that the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: envy is not justified but in case of two persons only: one who, having been given (knowledge of) the Qur'an by Allah, recites it during the night and day (and also acts upon it) and a man who, having been given wealth by God, spends it during the night and the day (for the welfare of others. seeking the pleasure of the Lord). (Book #004, Hadith #1777)

We should only be jealous of:

1) Someone who has been given more wealth than us and spends it frequently, properly, and for the benefit of others.

2) Someone who has been given religious knowledge and recites it frequently, acts upon it, and teaches it to others.

But most of us aren’t, and would rather spend our time trying to make the people we envy burst into flames after bequeathing everything they own to us using our minds. Fun as that may be, it doesn’t really help us in the long run, so what do we do? Well, there are few things we can do:

1) Recognize you have an envy problem and dislike that you do.

a. Sometimes it helps to recite “I am a jealous little so and so and, if I don’t change my wicked ways, I am going to burn.” XP

2) If you catch yourself with case 1 envy, try and change it to case 2 envy.

a. The easiest thing to do is think: “I want that TOO.” “too” being the keyword, because it implies…additionality? By saying “too” you are saying that you want the blessing as well, which would fail to happen, should the person you are envying no longer have the blessing. Think of it as the short form of “I want that blessing but don’t want them to lose it”

b. Of course, if there is only one of the blessing, then you have my sympathy but you’re just going to have to move on. Try step 3 :P

3) Look at those who have been given less

a. Abu Huraira reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: When one of you looks at one who stands at a higher level than you in regard to wealth and physical structure he should also see one who stands at a lower level than you in regard to these things (in which he stands) at a higher level (as compared to him). (Book #042, Hadith #7068)

i. Translation: If you’re comparing yourself to someone who’s got more than you, compare yourself to someone who has less.

4) Work to get those blessings

a. Why are you sitting there and pouting? If you’re not willing to work to get what you want, then quit complaining!

5) If you envying someone for something that doesn’t really matter (i.e not wealth or knowledge used appropriately), try and let it go. Think of how that sports car will help you when Izraeel (AS) is breathing down your neck.

a. Then go out and work to get knowledge and wealth to use and spend appropriately. Trust me, you’ll feel much better.

6) Be patient and pray

a. We don’t change overnight ;)

It Almost Makes You Wonder "Why Recite Anything Else?"

There is merit in memorizing Quran, quite a bit actually. It is the only method (I know of) that will allow you to actually move up in heaven once you are already there.

Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As: The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: One who was devoted to the Qur'an will be told to recite, ascend and recite carefully as he recited carefully when he was in the world, for he will reach his abode when he comes to the last verse he recites. (Book #8, Hadith#1459)

So the more you know the higher you go.

Now, the Hadith says verses, which could be taken to mean either Surats or Ayats, but some are longer than others so I wonder how that factors in... at any rate, with a bit of math:

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MY OWN MATH AND HAS NO BASIS IN HADITH OR QURAN.

• There are 18248 words in the Quran (http://www.searchtruth.com/showWords.php?translator=1), and 7 heavens. That gives 2607 words per level.
• There are 114 Surah's in the Quran, so: 17 surahs per level.
• There are 6349 ayat's in the Quran (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayah) (yes, wikipedia. :( ) so: 907 ayat per level.
• And actually, 113 of those are just "Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim" so: 891 ayat's per level.

More benefits (like Quranic intercession) found at: http://www.themodernreligion.com/basic/quran/quran-benefits.html

But let it be known that some Surat's are better than others. Surat Al-Ikhlas, for example, is worth 1/3 of the Quran:

Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri: The Prophet said to his companions, "Is it difficult for any of you to recite one third of the Qur'an in one night?" This suggestion was difficult for them so they said, "Who among us has the power to do so, O Allah's Apostle?" Allah Apostle replied: " Allah (the) One, the Self-Sufficient Master Whom all creatures need.' (surat Al-ikhlas 112.1--to the End) is equal to one third of the Qur'an." (Book #61, Hadith #534)

The two really worth mentioning are #99 (Al Zalzalah) and #100 (Al-Adiyat) as each one is worth half of the Quran:

The Prophet (sal Allau alaihi wa sallam) said, "Whoever recites Aadiyat, his reward equals one half of the Qur'an." [Hakim and Tirmidhi]

Abdullah Ibn Abbas (radi Allahu anhu) reported that the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, "Whoever recites Surah Zalzalah (99) will get the reward of reciting half the Qur'an." [Tirmidhi]

And since it's sunnah to do Quranic recitation in 2 of the rukaa's of the daily prayers, you could have the reward of reciting the entire Quran five times (or more ;) ) every day for the rest of your life!! Then you'd just need to figure out how to work reciting the rest of the Quran into your day....

Imam Ghazalli's Five Tests for Pride

Are you or someone you know proud? Do you think you or they might be proud but wish there were some way to be sure? Well wish no more!! With Imam Ghazalli's Five Question Pride Test you can find out!

1. In an altercation with a friend, do you reject their opinion though it is correct?
2. When you meet with your friends or other persons, do you have difficulty giving them the best seats available?
3. Do you ignore the invitations of the poor or have difficulty going to the market for the necessities of relatives and friends?
4. Do you cringe at the idea of carrying a friends/relatives items from the market, in addition to your own?
5. Do you only feel comfortable going out in trendy, fashionable, brand name clothing or feel good when wearing such clothing when alone?

If you answered "yes" to one or more of the above then YOU, my friend, may be suffering from pride! Fix it.

What I Learned about Gratefulness

I'm reading this book, "The Revival of Religious Sciences" by one Imam Ghazalli, and I'm at the section regarding gratefulness. Now gratefulness (towards God), I always thought, meant to be thankful for what He has sent/given/saved me from/etc. As I read though, it turns out this is not entirely true. According to the Imam (with some Hadith's for support), proper gratefulness encompasses a few different things.

The first and most basic form of gratefulness is the knowledge that everything comes from God. The Imam sites a hadith that said:

One day, the Prophet Moses said in his invocation: O God, you have created Adam. How has he expressed gratefulness to you? God said: He knew that everything came from Me.

Throughout the book, the Imam says a lot of things about achieving (essentially) enlightenment, and while it still kind of baffles me, I think I'm starting to understand. Part of achieving this "enlightenment" is being able to, without stopping to think about it, immediately recognize that everything comes from God. Now, before you say "Well, duh." let me give you a simple example.

Someone gives you a present, what's the first thing that comes to mind? Probably "SWEET! This person's giving me a present!" Followed shortly after by "Thanks!" then, if you aren't too wrapped up in your present, a "Thanks God!"

From what I understand, it should be more like "SWEET! God sent this person to give me a present! Thanks God!" in the split second before saying "Thanks!" to the person.

There was a short story in here that said a woman while walking, tripped and fell. The first thing she said was "All praise and thanks are for God". The narrator asked her why she exclaimed that, to which she responded that by tripping and falling, God might forgive some of her sins. Being able to do that on cue is probably one of those steps to "enlightenment".

The next thing a person must do, from what I read, is use gifts for their intended purposes and for purposes that bring one closer to God, and not to neglect gifts. Remember that "gift" pretty much refers to anything; an iPhone, your arms or legs, a donors kidney, the flu, and so on. This is pretty much straightforward. If you gave a little race car toy to your younger brother, or a barbie to your little sister, and you found them using the race car as a door stop, or putting the barbie in the microwave, wouldn't you be a little bit ticked? Probably throw around terms like, ungrateful and brat? Yeah, I would too. So wouldn't it make sense that if we misuse our arms, legs, kidneys, or technology that God has gifted us with, He might feel that we're ungrateful for them?

So gratefulness:
To acknowledge in mind and body that all things are from God.

The 16 Gifts

From the Book of Constructive Virtues of Imam Ghazzali's "Revival of Religious Sciences", the Imam has listed 16 gifts of this world which will benefit one in the hereafter:

1. Spiritual Knowledge
2. Knowledge of Duties
3. Self Control
4. Justice
5. Health
6. Strength
7. Beauty
8. Long Life
9. Wealth
10. Family
11. Name
12. Relatives
13. Guidance
14. Injunctions of God
15. Efforts
16. God's Help

Elaborations to come once I figure them out, hopefully; the book is kind of hard to follow.

My Adventure into Stocks

One of the classes I took last year as part of my degree was called Engineering Economics, and in it we had to investigate different investment options. That was when I first started looking into investment vehicles and stocks in particular.

As I understand it a stock is a little slip of paper that says you own part of the company that sold it to you. That company takes the money you paid for the stock and uses it to do whatever they do, then if the company does well, the value of that little slip of paper increases, and if they do poorly, the value of the paper decreases. YOU make money by selling your stock when it's worth more than you paid for it.

Now, there is some concern over whether investing in stocks is permissible in Islam. Some people think it's too close to gambling because the stock market is so volatile. In my humble opinion trading in stock is just fine because you get what you pay for and there is always a risk in any purchase. If you buy a dishwasher you pay $400 dollars and hope the thing works. If it does: huzzah, you got your moneys worth. If it doesn't, well that's just too bad, but that's the risk you have to take. In gambling, you pay, oh I don't know, $400 and hope to God above you get more back, the key word being HOPE. In the case of the dishwasher, sure it didn't work, but you did get a dishwasher, you were being guaranteed a dishwasher in exchange for $400, and nowadays most companies are nice enough to offer exchanges in the event it doesn't work, but in all normal cash transactions, you are getting something.

SO that being said I went to Google finance to play with some stocks.

In google finance all you can do is track stocks, just like a game. You can add fake money then buy and sell fake stocks and see how you do. Actually it's a real tool that you can use to track actual transactions with no money involved. I use it to track the stocks I ACTUALLY purchased through my bank because my banks website is awful at providing useful stock information.

So, if you want to try your hand just go to Google finance, set up a portfolio, add some cash and buy some stocks. I'm not going to go into details about how this works because the interface is quite straightforward.

The first stocks I bought were of my favorite companies: Apple, Nintendo, Sega...but then I stopped and realised something. I can't just put money into ANY company, because that company might be involved in a business that's not entirely religiously sound. So here's what I concluded should be avoided unless you know a company in these fields that is completely clean:

Food and Drink

• Would you believe Coca Cola, despite their tremendous list of family friendly drinks (Tropicana, Rockstar energy drink, bottled water) made an alcoholic drink in cooperation with Bacardi? I was pretty upset, they seemed like a good place to put money: I love coke!
• In general, it's hard to tell what products a company maks, think of Hostess: they make chips, cookies, biscuits, Twinkies, King-dons, the list goes on forever, but it's just too tedious to go and find every last product and make sure it's halal, so just avoid food and beverage companies

Entertainment

• When I started out, I took a stock (fake) of Disney. They seemed like a good company, doing well for themselves. Then I stopped and thought, no wait, they hire actors and actresses and write stories that, while family friendly for the most part, might not be all that great (think: Lizzy McGuire, Raven, The Jonas Brothers).
• Same goes for video games. I love Nintendo, they are my favorite company, but they also liscence M rated games for their consoles that might include violence, course language, adult situations, mild nudity and so on.
  

Arms/weapons development/military

• Do you really want to be the guy who gives money to the people who make the machines and lead the soldiers that kill other people? Think about it, you are saying take my money and invest it in weapons of destruction.
  
• This area gets kind of complicated because a lot of bigger companies sometimes have hidden military divisions. Think of Lockheed Martin, sure they make planes, but they also develop guns, same with Toyota: they make consumer vehicles, but they also develop military vehicles. Sometimes you have to do a bit of digging. I will say this though, I don't mind companies that build defensive military technologies. For example, Irobot, the makers of Roomba and Scuba, the little household vacuums, have a military branch that develop scouting, sensing and detecting robots. They don't kill anyone, they seek out roadside bombs and investigate areas, in effect saving lives.....yes maybe the lives of the enemy, but at least they aren't killing anyone.

banks

• banks charge interest, do you want a part of that?
  

Really, just think about the products and services the company you are choosing to invest in offers. If it's sound, go right ahead, if not, avoid it. Also, don't think too far ahead: well, what if I invest in biofuel energy corp., and their fuel is put into a car which a criminal uses to rob a bank...no. That's a bit much.

Alright, so where CAN you put your money?? Here are a few suggestions:

• healthcare
• housing
• education
• textbooks
• materials (metals, glass)
• energy
• research
• household
• computer technologies
• fertilizer and farm product

And for anyone interested, here's the stocks I have in my test portfolio that I plan to actually purchase:

3M: Innovators, makers of many household items including those little adhesive hooks.

Agrium Inc.: make agricultural products and services in the U.S and other countrie.

BioClinica Inc.: solutions for medical image management and data capture. Medical Technology.

Biofuel Energy Corp.: Sells ethanol, an up and coming form of clean fuel.

China Precision Steel: makes Steel in china.

Clean Harbors, Inc.: through its subsidiaries, provides environmental services and operation of non-nuclear hazardous waste treatment facilities in North America.

Emergency Medical Services: yeah, EMS, those guys that save people, bet you didn't know they
were part of a company!

Energizer holdings, inc.: Makers of batteries.

Enersis S.A. (ADR): An electric utility company for Chile, Argentina, Brazil, columbia and Peru.

EPCOR Power, L.P: An energy company. A big one.

Hanfeng Evergreen: makes fertilizers for china.

Hold-key Electric Wire and Cable Co Ltd.: makers of electric wire and cable.

Humana Inc: A health and suplemental benefits company.

Intuitive Surgical, Inc.: Makes the da Vinci surgical Systems, an huge, advanced medical robot.

Irobot: makers of robotic vacuum cleaners

Johnson & Johnson: Makers of household and consumer products.

Karuturi Global Limited: Get this, they deal with floriculture, processing foods-gherkins (something like a cucumber) and IT. It has subsidiaries in Ethiopia and Africa.

Meade Instruments Corp: makers of telescopes (the shares of these guys increased 3000% just a few days ago, too bad I didn't have any real money in them.)

Migao Corporation: makes potash based fertilizers.

Newell Rubbermaid: makers of household products (tubs and plastics mainly)

Nobel Learning Communities: A national network of nonsectarian private schools, including preschools, elementary, middle and specialtiy high schools in 15 states.

Panasonic Corporation: makers of electronics. They do have a military laptop and make military grade power adapters. :S

Potash Corp Saskatchewan: Fertilizer

Rangold Resources Ltd: Like buying gold bars really.

SPDR Gold Trust: more gold.

SXC Health Solutions Corp.: provider of pharmacy benefit management services and healthcare IT solutions.

Taiwan Glass Ind. Corp: Glass, fibreglass and tableware and kitchenware glass. Ships internationally.

The Black and Decker Corp.: Makes household tools and appliances.

The McGraw-Hill companies: If you've read a textbook, there's a 99% chance Mcgraw hill published it.

Tyco International Ltd.: make remote controlled things,and remote controllers.

United Parcel Service (UPS): deliver packages everywhere.

Whirlpool Corporation: makers of washing machines.

Xerox Corporation: audio visual solutions, electronics.

And there you have it! With this healthy mix of companies, I have, in theory, actually made money! Not a whole lot, since the shares in any company I have usually hang around $100 to $200 (that is $100 to $200 worth of shares in any one company) since the economy is so cruddy and all. But I've made (again, in theory) about $1,183 in about 7 months, not too bad for a first timer! Of course, I'm no day trader, and no one should be. Stocks are the kind of investment you keep for a few years before deciding to sell (unless something spectacular happens, like your 0.18 dollars/share company of which you have 10000 shares in (only 1800 dollars) jumps 3000% ($54000) then you sell, because chances are that won't be happening again for a long time.)

Prayer Etiquette

I'm a very light prayer; much like a light sleeper, it doesn't take much stimulus to distract me from my prayer and throw the entire thing off course. I also need to be able to hear myself when I pray or else I start mispronouncing the words. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in the world like that because in the event I have to pray with someone else in the room (I try my best not to, but sometimes the circumstances are out of my control (i.e like in a hotel room)), they don't seem to care that I'm trying to pray and they make all sorts of noises, snapping their fingers, laughing to themselves, or not bothering TO MUTE THE RUDDY TELEVISION FOR 7 MINUTES SO I CAN FOCUS!!!! >_<

On the flip side, it can be really irritating when someone is praying in a room and seem to completely oblivious to the fact that there are others in there who may be trying to focus on something themselves. Yes. We know you're praying. Good for you. Now keep it down, are you praying for show or what?

So here I've decided to come up with a list of prayer etiquette, both for the prayer and others who might be around.

If you see someone praying

• leave the room, let them be alone so they can focus and finish
• if you can't leave the room, move out of their sight and keep quiet until they are done.
• don't be constantly moving around them; it's distracting!!
• if you must talk with someone else in the room, talk like you're trying to evade death himself.
• MUTE THE T.V. Don't wind it down, MUTE IT. Humans are quite adept at understanding body language and facial expressions, you can last for 7 minutes!!!!
• Don't turn on machines that are going to make noise or change the room conditions unless it's for the better, like turning on the a/c when the room is stifling.

If you are going to pray with someone else in the room (because you can't find somewhere secluded)

• Keep your voice to a minimum, so that ONLY YOU can hear it. I know some prayers are supposed to be recited aloud, but seriously, if you want to recite aloud go somewhere else. Also, and usually for people who don't speak arabic as a first language, you're recitation might just annoy the heck out of those around you.
• Go a bit faster than you normally would. Not so fast that you're movements become jerky and the prayer is lost anyway, but just a bit faster so that everyone can get on with what they're doing.
• Don't pray where everyone is going to walk or might need to walk. Find a nice corner with something in front of you so that you're out of the way.
• Don't make a scene; it becomes so much easier to try and show off when there are people watching. Remember why you are praying.

If you are going to be praying in a room with another person who is also praying, but not with you.

• Follow all of the above rules that apply.
• Maybe keep your distance from each other.
• Don't race.
• Don't base your timings on them.

That's what I have so far, most of it is just common sense, but sometimes people can be remarkably inconsiderate.

Prayer Courtesy

Do Not Reciprocate

Another great hadith and commentary

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Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “If somebody reproaches you and makes you feel ashamed of any of your defects, do not make him feel ashamed of any of his defects.” [Abu Daud]

Usually, when somebody points out one of our shortcomings, we immediately become defensive and start finding faults with them. But the advice of our beloved Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam), is that we should listen quietly and evaluate what we are being told. If there is something we can improve about ourselves, it is only to our own advantage to do so. If the criticism is unjustified, then we are rewarded for our patience and good behaviour in not retaliating. The angels will take care of defending our honour. Starting a counter attack opens the door for Shaytaan to come in and take over.

Once Hazrat Abu Bakr Siddiq (radi Allahu anhu) was sitting with the Prophet (sal allahu alaihi wa sallam) when a man came and started to abuse Hazrat Abu Bakr. Hazrat Abu Bakr remained silent. Finally, he started to speak in his defence. At this point the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) got up and left. Hazrat Abu Bakr immediately went after him and inquired if he had done something wrong. Rasul Allah replied that as long as he had been silent, angels had been speaking on his behalf, but when he started to respond, the devil came and sat down next to him. As the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) could not remain seated where the devil was sitting, he left.

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On Arguing

I have an Iphone application that gives me a new hadith with commentary every day. I really liked today's one so I decided to share it.

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Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Whoever does not argue when he is in the wrong will have a home built for him on the edge of Paradise. Whoever avoids it when he in the right will have a home built for him in the middle of Paradise. And whoever improves his own character, a home will be built for him in the highest part of Paradise.” [Tirmidhi]

Arguing with people is strongly discouraged in Islam. We are to state our point of view and then leave it at that. Nor are we to involve ourselves in matters that do not affect a person’s deen. Note that a person is to shun argument whether he is in the right or whether his stand is wrong. Both get houses built for them in Paradise. But since the person who knows that he is right finds it more difficult to leave the argument and let things be, he/she is promised a greater reward.

Arguing with people rarely gets anyone to change their minds. It usually only produces defensiveness and creates ill feelings between people. The issue becomes a matter of one’s ego and makes it more difficult for a person to change their stance. Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) loves to have Muslims live harmoniously with each other. Try this hadith out in practice, and you will see that your relations improve with people and that you have greater peace of mind.
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The Trouble with Judges

Narrated Buraydah ibn al-Hasib: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: judges are of three types, one of whom will go to Paradise and two to Hell. The one who will go to Paradise is a man who knows what is right and gives judgment accordingly; but a man who knows what is right and acts tyrannically in his judgment will go to Hell; and a man who gives judgment for people when he is ignorant will go to Hell. (Book #24, Hadith #3566 (Sunan Abudawud))


So this is why you don't see too many Muslim lawyers, and why we're going to see a shortage of learned people (i.e, actual scholars); we're terrified of being even the tiniest bit ignorant in our judging.

What Obedience to Parents Actually Entails

An excerpt from the book "The Major Sins" by Muhammad bin 'Uthman Adh-Dhahabi:

K'ab al-Ahbar was asked about the meaning of "disrespect to parents," to which he replied: " If the father or mother assigns him a task, he does not do it; if they order him to do something, he does not obey them; if they ask him for something, he does not give it to them; and if they entrust him with a thing, he cheats them in it."

Grave Stories

This is some scary stuff!!! :(


Abdul Malik bin Marwan reported that a young man came to him, weeping bitterly, and said: "leader of the believers, I have committed a grave sin. Is there repentance for me?" He replied: "Whatever your sin may be, repent to Allah Most High, for He accepts repentance from His servants and forgives them their evil deeds." The man said: "I used to open up graves, and I have seen strange things." Abdul malik said: "What have you seen?"

***the shortened version***
Every time the man opens a grave, he sees something strange and wants to leave, but a voice calls to him from the grave asking him if he wants to know why this odd thing is occuring.


Grave 1: He found the face of a dead person turned away from the Qiblah.
Why: The person used to neglect the prayer

Grave 2: The occupant had turned into a pig, with heavy chains on it's neck.
Why: The person used to drink while they were alive, and died without repentance.

Grave 3: The occupant was tied to the ground with cords of fire and their tongue was hanging out.
Why: The person did not protect their clothes from urine and used to carry tales among the people.

Grave 4: The occupant was burning in fire.
Why: They abandoned the prayer

Grave 5: The grave was wide, to the limit of the digger's sight. It was also full of bright light and the body was sleeping comfortably on a bed, clothed in fine garments and light was spreading from him.
Why: He was a young man that was observant of his duties toward Allah (SWT) and diligent in worship.

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Another Story

Muhammad bin Yusuf Faryabi said: "Once I went to visit Abi Sinan together with some friends. We went into his house and sat with him for a while. Then he stood up and said: 'Let us go and pay our condolences to our neighbour whose brother has passed away.' So we stood up and went with him to the neighbour's house, and we found him weeping bitterly and lamenting or his broher. We offered words of solace and condolence , but he would accept none of them. We said: 'Do you not know that everyone must die?' He said: 'Yes, but I am weeping for the punishment which my brother is going through morning and evening." We said to him: 'Has Allah informed you about the Unseen?' He said: 'No. But when I buried him and smoothed the earth on his grave and the people left, I sat by his grave. A voice came from his grave, (saying): "Oh, the punishment which is upon me! I used to pray and I used to fast!" (At that,) I became very agitated and opened the grave to see what was happening. I saw that the grave was full of fire, and there was a ring of fire around his neck. Full of pity for him, I stretched out my hand to take off this ring, but my fingers and hand got burned.' Then he showed us his hand, which was burned. He continued: 'I then covered his gave with earth and left. So how can I help weeping and mourning for him?' We asked: 'What was it your brother did (wrong) in this world?' He replied: 'He never paid any Zakat from his property.' (Thereupon) we recited: 'Let not those who are miserly with what Allah (SWT) has given them of His (SWT) bounty suppose that it is better for them. On the contrary, it is worse for them. The things with which they were so miserly will be bound around their necks on the Day of Resurrection' (Ale 'Imran 3:180) and we said to him: ' Your brother's punishment has been hastened on before the Day of Resurrection.'

Men's Expected Behavior and Qualities

I found this great website with text from published books on ideal muslims and muslimahs, so I thought I'd share some of the good Doctor's thoughts.

The following are taken from

http://www.wefound.org/texts/Ideal_Muslims_files/HisSelf.htm#1-%20His%20Body

which took from:

The Ideal Muslim: The True Islâmic Personality of the Muslim as Defined in the Qur’ân and Sunnah”)

By Dr. Muhammad ‘Ali Al-Hashimi

These are just the main bullet points, check the website out, it's actually really good!

1- His Body

Moderation in food and drink

[. . . Eat and drink: but waste not by excess, for Allah loves not the wasters.] (Qur’an 7:31)

Similarly, the Prophet (S.A.W.) also advised moderation in food and drink:

“There is no worse vessel for the son of Adam to fill than his own stomach, but if he must fill it, then let him allow one third for food, one third for drink, and one third for air.” 

He exercises regularly

His body and clothes are clean

“The Prophet (S.A.W.) said: ‘It is the duty of every Muslim to take a bath (at least) once every seven days, and to wash his head and body.’” (Bukhari and Muslim)

The true Muslim keeps his clothes and socks clean, checking them from time to time, to be sure that they have no unpleasant smell. He also wears perfume to help keep himself clean.

The smart Muslim takes care of his mouth, for no one should ever have to smell an unpleasant odour coming from it.

‘A’ishah (R.A) narrated that the Prophet (S.A.W.) “never woke from sleeping at any time of day or night without cleaning his teeth with a siwak before performing wudu’.”

The Prophet’s concern for oral hygiene was so great that he said:

“If it were not for the fact that I did not want to overburden my Ummah, I would have ordered them to use the siwak before every prayer.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

“The Prophet (S.A.W.) said: ‘Whoever has hair, let him look after it properly.’”

Good appearance

The true Muslim takes good care of his clothes, so you will see him presenting a pleasant appearance, without being extravagant. He is pleasant to look at and to meet, and does not annoy people with his careless, dishevelled appearance. He always checks himself before he goes out to meet people, and he makes himself look good, in moderation, for the Prophet (S.A.W.) used to make himself look good in front of his Companions, as well as in front of his family.

2- His Mind

Knowledge is an obligation and an honour for the Muslim

“Seeking knowledge is a duty on every Muslim.” (Bukhari)

[. . . Those truly fear Allah, among His Slaves, who have knowledge . . . ] (Qur’an 35:28)

Continuously seeking knowledge until death

[. . . But say, ‘O my Rabb! Advance me in knowledge.’] (Qur’an 20:114)

What Muslim needs to know

The first thing that the Muslim needs to know is how to read the Qur’an properly (with tajwid) and to understand its meaning. Then he should learn something of the sciences of hadith, the sirah of the Prophet (S.A.W.), and the history of the Sahabah and Tabi‘in, who are prominent figures in Islam. He should acquire as much knowledge of fiqh as he needs to ensure that his worship and daily dealings are correct, and he should ensure that he has a sound grasp of the basic principles of his religion.

The Muslim should be proficient in his speciality

The Muslim exposes himself to information about other fields

The Muslim is proficient in a foreign language

3 - The Muslim’s Soul

While he is taking care of his physical and mental needs, the true Muslim does not forget that he is not comprised only of a body and mind, but he also has a passionate, yearning soul whose higher longings motivate him to lift himself up by devoting himself to worship, seeking the blessings of Allah (S.W.T.) and fearing His punishment.

The Muslim polishes his soul through worship

The Muslim is obliged to take care of his soul, so he starts to polish it and refine it through constant worship and awareness of Allah (S.W.T.) , night and day. He is alert to the devious tricks and deceptive whispers of the Shaytan and if, in some moment of human weakness, evil thoughts come to him from that source, he remembers Allah (S.W.T.) and finds his way back to the Straight and Narrow.

He frequently repeats du‘as and supplications described in Ahadith

Now regarding his relationship with his wife:

http://www.wefound.org/texts/Ideal_Muslims_files/hiswife.htm

He fully understands his role as a protector and maintainer (qawwam) of his wifeHe helps her to make up for her failings and weaknessesHe understands his wife and respects her feelings

These are some clippings from different parts of the page I thought were good:

A wife may become angry for any reason, and keep away from her husband, making him feel her anger. In this case, the Muslim husband responds with tolerance and kindness, based on his deep insight into the psychology and nature of woman, as the Prophet (S.A.W.) used to treat his wives whenever they were angry with him and kept away from him all day until night fell.

The true Muslim does not overreact and become angry for trivial reasons, as many ignorant husbands do, creating uproar if their wives offer them food that is not to their liking, or their meal is a little late, or any of the other reasons which often cause an inordinate amount of anger, arguments and trouble between the spouses. The Muslim who is truly following the example of the Prophet (S.A.W.) always remembers aspects of his character that remind him to be generous, kind and tolerant. So he remembers that one of the characteristics of the Prophet (S.A.W.) is that “he never criticized food. If he liked it, he ate it, and if he did not like it, he simply left it.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

He should also satisfy her femininity by making himself attractive to her within Islamic limits and should give her a share of his time and interest. He should not let his study, work, hobbies, responsibilities or friends take up all of his time and keep him from her. Islam guarantees woman’s right to enjoy her husband to the extent that it even tells the husband not to spend all his time in worship, which is the best and most honorable of deeds, lest the balance and equilibrium upon which this religion is based be disturbed.

He should lend a hand if he sees that his wife needs his help, and he should say some words of comfort if he feels that she is complaining of tiredness, weariness or boredom.

He should make her feel that she is living with a strong, generous, tolerant husband who will protect her and care for her, who cares about her and will meet all her legitimate needs as long as he is able.

When the Muslim husband truly follows this guidance of the Prophet (S.A.W), which is based on a deep understanding of the psychology and nature of women, he will tolerate his wife’s mistakes and turn a blind eye to her faults, recognizing that these are part of her nature. Thus the marital home will be safe and calm, free from shouting or arguments.
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And that's what I have so far.

Check out

http://www.wefound.org/idealmuslims.htm

it's a great site with lots of good info!