Jealousy

Jealousy is that feeling of dislike towards someone who has “more” than you. More power, more knowledge, more wealth, beauty, whatever. And unfortunately for us:

Narrated AbuHurayrah: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Avoid envy, for envy devours good deeds just as fire devours fuel or (he said) "grass." (Book #41, Hadith #4885)

In our daily lives, we usually find ourselves with one or both of the following cases of envy:

Case 1:

This is the envy in which you see someone with a blessing and you wish that the blessing be taken away from them. You hate that they are blessed to the point where you don’t even care if you get the blessing, you just don’t want that person to have it.

Example: Your co-worker, goes out and buys that sports car you’ve been wanting forever, but knew you could never afford because you have other things to spend you money on. You don’t even care if you can never buy one, you’re just so jealous of him that you hope someone steals it, or it gets bashed to bits.

Case 2:

This envy starts off the same way as case 1, someone gets a blessing and you get jealous, but it ends with you simply wanting the blessing too (and/or more) and NOT wishing that the blessing be removed from the person you are envying.

Example: You get your midterms back and the girl in front of you scored a 95%. You look at your paper and you scored a 75%. Hatred and loathing boil up inside of you as you slowly reach for her neck to throttle her, and just as your hands are so close to her neck you can feel her body heat, you slump back in your chair and think. “Guh, you win this time smart girl. I wish I was as smart as her.”

According to the following hadiths, however,

Narrated Ibn Masud: I heard the Prophet saying, "There is no envy except in two: a person whom Allah has given wealth and he spends it in the right way, and a person whom Allah has given wisdom (i.e. religious knowledge) and he gives his decisions accordingly and teaches it to the others." (Book #24, Hadith #490)

Salim narrated on the authority of his father (Ibn 'Umar) that the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: envy is not justified but in case of two persons only: one who, having been given (knowledge of) the Qur'an by Allah, recites it during the night and day (and also acts upon it) and a man who, having been given wealth by God, spends it during the night and the day (for the welfare of others. seeking the pleasure of the Lord). (Book #004, Hadith #1777)

We should only be jealous of:

1) Someone who has been given more wealth than us and spends it frequently, properly, and for the benefit of others.

2) Someone who has been given religious knowledge and recites it frequently, acts upon it, and teaches it to others.

But most of us aren’t, and would rather spend our time trying to make the people we envy burst into flames after bequeathing everything they own to us using our minds. Fun as that may be, it doesn’t really help us in the long run, so what do we do? Well, there are few things we can do:

1) Recognize you have an envy problem and dislike that you do.

a. Sometimes it helps to recite “I am a jealous little so and so and, if I don’t change my wicked ways, I am going to burn.” XP

2) If you catch yourself with case 1 envy, try and change it to case 2 envy.

a. The easiest thing to do is think: “I want that TOO.” “too” being the keyword, because it implies…additionality? By saying “too” you are saying that you want the blessing as well, which would fail to happen, should the person you are envying no longer have the blessing. Think of it as the short form of “I want that blessing but don’t want them to lose it”

b. Of course, if there is only one of the blessing, then you have my sympathy but you’re just going to have to move on. Try step 3 :P

3) Look at those who have been given less

a. Abu Huraira reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: When one of you looks at one who stands at a higher level than you in regard to wealth and physical structure he should also see one who stands at a lower level than you in regard to these things (in which he stands) at a higher level (as compared to him). (Book #042, Hadith #7068)

i. Translation: If you’re comparing yourself to someone who’s got more than you, compare yourself to someone who has less.

4) Work to get those blessings

a. Why are you sitting there and pouting? If you’re not willing to work to get what you want, then quit complaining!

5) If you envying someone for something that doesn’t really matter (i.e not wealth or knowledge used appropriately), try and let it go. Think of how that sports car will help you when Izraeel (AS) is breathing down your neck.

a. Then go out and work to get knowledge and wealth to use and spend appropriately. Trust me, you’ll feel much better.

6) Be patient and pray

a. We don’t change overnight ;)