A Few Shiekhy Types who Know How to Treat the Ladies :P

Gents, take note:

Taking your wife to dinner is sunnah: 

60 ways to keep your wife's love p1:

60 ways to keep your wife's love p2:

Cooking and washing is not her duty, it's her Ihsan:

Wife does not mean a servant to her husband

I was a little upset though, that I couldn't find any videos of muslim wives telling fellow muslimahs how to treat their husbands. I knew I couldn't post a video of a guy talking about this, most girls I know take one look at the speaker and think "CHAUVINIST!". So, if anyone knows of a video of a happy muslim wife sharing some tips for keeping your man happy, please let us know! :)

Canadian Hijabi: Hadith

I saw this hadith on Canadian Hijabi's Blog (http://nazia-canadianhijab.blogspot.com/) , and couldn't help but go "awwwwwwwwwwww!" :')

""When a husband and wife look at each other with Love, Allah looks at both with Mercy" [Bukhari 6:19 & Tirmidhi 14:79] What a BEAUTIFUL Hadith. I absolutely love this! Masha'Allah."


Yup, she sums it up pretty well!


Check out her blog, she's got some interesting posts there, many of which answer some common questions like "Why don't men wear hijab?" (http://nazia-canadianhijab.blogspot.com/2011/05/why-men-dont-wear-hijab.html) and "Why a muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-muslim man?" (http://nazia-canadianhijab.blogspot.com/2011/05/why-muslim-woman-is-not-allowed-to.html)

It's a Woman's (next) World

WHAT. THE HECK. So APPARENTLY doing the stuff a wife is expected to do is worth as much as going to juma, congregational and funeral prayers, visiting the sick, performing Hajj and Umra, and FIGHTING IN JIHAD. I doth quote:

Asma (RA) reported that she approached the Prophet (SAW) on behalf of woman and mentioned that men excelled women due to their participation in Friday and congregational prayers, visiting the sick, attending funeral prayers, performing the Hajj and Umra, and due to their participation in Jihad. The Prophet (SAW) replied: "Go and inform the women that their beautification for their husbands, discharging their rights, seeking their pleasure and obeying them is equal in reward (to the above mentioned acts) of men" [Kanz-ul-Amaal] (Taken from DailyHadith App for Iphone)

So, while guys are out their, risking their necks jihad, or standing in rows for long periods of time, shoulder to shoulder with Bashir Big Beard and Tareq Turban, or sitting on the floor as their lower extremities slowly lose feeling listening to an Imam lecture on for an hour, women can sit at home, put on their makeup and make themselves even prettier while watching T.V, maybe do some chores with a youtube video playing on the counter, perhaps prepare a snack for their hubbies and themselves or do whatever else was asked of them AND GET THE SAME REWARD. 

"But Th3luba you chauvinist!" you may exclaim "we have to do what our husbands tell us to do! How is that fair?" To which I wittily respond "See last weeks post. And really, 70 years (if even that) of being a good wife pretty much gets you an ETERNITY of bliss. Some guys never even SEE a jihad, let alone participate in one, and all you have to do is keep us happy (it's not hard, it really isn't. We have two moods: hungry and....let's call it cuddly (for the kiddies sake)) so enough complaining; go give your man a hug and swap it for a Palace in Paradise." 

Rights and Responsibilities of Husbands and Wives

Sometimes I get the feeling that men and women have no idea what to expect (or really warped expectations) from and of each other in marriage. Some guys imagine that they're getting a female slave, and some women feel they're either going to be a female slave, or be pampered and treated like princesses. So I did some reading, and I've compiled 2 lists: her rights over him, and his rights over her. I've left out references, but you should be able to find all the information you need in two books:


The Ideal Muslim, and the Ideal Muslimah (conveniently on sale together at islamicbookstore.com actually!)
http://www.islamicbookstore.com/idmusmus2vol.html


So here we go:

Her rights over him	His rights over her
That he maintain her	That she obey him in anything that is reasonable and within the religion.
That he protect her	That she make herself available to him
That he ensures she is fully educated as a Muslim	That she not go against his wishes  regarding her person and property by doing anything that he disapproves
That he give leadership to the family	That she not admit anyone he dislikes into the house.
That he feed her from what he feeds himself, when he feeds himself.	That she not leave the house without his permission.
That he clothe her in clothes equivalent in quality to what he clothes himself	That he can discipline her if she disobeys him in something good.
That he provide her shelter equal to what he shelters himself	That she serve him according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing.
That he listen to her advice in every situation	That she ask his permission to fast, when he is present, except for Ramadan.
That he provide her with a mahr (dowry)
That he provide her with spending money
That he not order her to do anything against religion.
That he does not hit her face
That he not boycott her except within the house.
That he respect and pay attention to her needs
That he provide a nursemaid, and hire help to cook/clean/babysit if needed.
That he avoid excessive jealousy.
That he not keep away from her so that she is in a state of suspense or distress, except with her consent. As in, when traveling.
That he not impose restrictions on her greater than those imposed by religion

You've probably noticed she has more rights over him. This is true, quantitatively she does. But QUALITATIVELY, he does. Obedience? That's pretty big I'd say. 


Now I feel obliged to mention that people should use their brains. For example: Yes the wife shouldn't leave the house without her husbands permission. Does that mean she needs to call him up and ask him if she can go get milk EVERY SINGLE TIME? Yes if he wants that, but I think it would just be easier to give her permission by default so that she doesn't need to ask. And face hitting? That doesn't even need to be IN here, just because you can do it doesn't mean you should, or it's commendable. Same with disciplining her, what is she? 12? That's more of a "if need be" right, not a "do it." right. These are just the rights I've found and are not a guideline for your marriage. Also, I've omitted the common stuff like "treat each other nicely, be honest with each other, love each other, TRY and make him/her love you. And while she should respect and pay attention to his needs to, I left it under her rights over him because it's easier for the guy to get carried away with his rights.  


Please, if I've made any mistakes, or if you feel I've left something out, let me know in the comments! :D

Muslim Girls

There's this song by a popular female recording artist detailing how girls from a certain region of the United States are preferable to those from anywhere else and it's chorus goes:

California girls 

We're unforgettable 

Daisy Dukes 

Bikinis on top 

Sun-kissed skin 

So hot 

We'll melt your Popsicle 

Oooooh oh oooooh 

But are these really the kinds of girls that are preferable over others? 

California girls (no problems here, California's a nice place, and at least the gender's right)

We're unforgettable (again, that's fine, no real problems with that)

Daisy Dukes (probably haram if worn around in public, etc.)

Bikinis on top (again, probably haram if worn around in public, etc)

Sun-kissed skin (not a problem on it's own, but maybe we shouldn't be able to tell so easily?)

So hot (I'd like to think they're talking about the weather, but I know better.)

We'll melt your Popsicle (blatant innuendo, although the mental image is kind of disturbing.)

Oooooh oh oooooh (the supercalafragalisticexpialidocious of the music world, along with "yeah")

So, I thought to myself, I wonder what the chorus would sound like if it were about the types of girls that Muslim guys (heck, ANY guy) SHOULD be going for, and I came up with this:

Devout muslim girls 

they're unforgettable,

loose pants, loose shirts

hijabs on top.

Makeup free skin,

modest, devout, and humble

Oooooh oh oooooh

And a verse by verse analysis:

Devout muslim girls (devout: check, muslim: check, girl: check) 

they're unforgettable, (darn tootin'!)

loose pants, loose shirts (long dress, jilbab, abaya, burka, or niqab are also acceptable) 

hijabs on top. (as in headscarf not full hijab since we established the rest of the dress in the previous verse)

Makeup free skin, (save it for their hubbies and/or girly get togethers, they don't need it anyway)

modest, devout, and humble (great, repeated for effect, splendid)

Oooooh oh oooooh (just to maintain the same structure as the original)




sometimes I wonder if I have too much free time..... :P

An Interesting Marriage Website

Don't look at me like that! I'm 23, lonely as a bump on a log, and there's nothing I can do about it so I read marriage articles: they give me the warm fuzzies. ANYWAY. Here's a nice one:

Zawaj.com

You can go ahead and skip the eharmony part of it and go straight to the articles:

http://www.zawaj.com/category/islamic-marriage-articles/

They talk about some interesting issues and bring up some good points while trying to accept that times have changed just a little bit, especially with respect to women. 

Here's something they said to ask each other that I thought was particularly interesting:

"What can I do to make you happy?"

But the context they're saying to use it in, is not when things are going swimmingly and you two are all over each other, no. They say to ask this when you're going through a rough patch, at which time I'm willing to bet at LEAST 90% of you would never swallow their pride and ask such a thing. So I say to the asker: just do it, and be prepared for anything; humiliation, zany requests, nit-picking. Seriously, check your pride (and tongue) at the door and ask it while being prepared to follow through, no retaliation, no counter-arguments, etc. Kapeesh? Now, to the asked: the asker is currently VERY VULNERABLE. DON'T MAKE THE SITUATION WORSE. Think long and hard about what reasonable thing they can do to make you happy, and try to make it easy for them, but be honest. Then ask them the same. 

Anyway, take a look, have a browse, maybe you'll find something helpful! 

100 Premarital Questions

I was in the middle east for the past few weeks, and I was thinking about how people over there meet people and get married. Where I'm from, a girls get heard about by mothers through relatives and friends and they report to their sons who then ask to meet the girl. Then the man and his mum or dad or whoever sit down with the girl and her mum or dad or whoever and discuss....well....usually nothing of any real importance to the marriage actually. From what I've heard anyway....I've...never.....been asked for ToT.    :P

ANYWAY. I'm the kind of guy who likes order and structure and I take love and marriage VERY seriously. We do not mess around here people. As luck would have it, I was talking with my sister and she mentioned a website that has 50 questions to ask before marriage so I figured I'd look it up. Apparently there's many websites like this, but quite interestingly, I chanced upon a list of about 100 questions to ask, not only that, the list was taken from a book written by a family friend!

The book is called "Bent Rib: A Journey through women's issues in Islam" by Huda al-Khattab and is quite good actually. 

The list is below, now I encourage you to read over and answer as many questions as you can and be honest, you're going to spend the rest of your life with this person so they might as well know the real you. Also, come back to it while your unmarried and update it to reflect recent changes in personality, etc.! Heck, you could take it with you when you meet your girl/guy! They should be impressed that you're taking this very seriously!

1.    What is your concept of marriage?

2.    Have you been married before?

3.    Are you married now?

4.    What are you expectations of marriage?

5.    What are your goals in life? (long and short term)

6.    Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.

7.    Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.

8.    Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?

9.    What is the role of religion in your life now?

10.      Are you a spiritual person?

11.      What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?

12.      What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?

13.      What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims

14.      community in your area?

15.      Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?

16.      What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?

17.      What is the role of the husband?

18.      What is the role of the wife?

19.      Do you want to practice polygamy?

20.      What is your relationship with your family?

21.      What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?

22.      What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?

23.      Is there anyone in your family living with you now?

24.      Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?

25.      If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?

26.      Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)

27.      How did you get to know them?

28.      Why are they your friends?

29.      What do you like most about them?

30.      What will your relationship with them after marriage be?

31.      Do you have friends of the opposite sex?

32.      What is the level of your relationship with them now?

33.      What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?

34.      What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?

35.      What are the things that you do in your free time?

36.      Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?

37.      What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?

38.      What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)

39.      Do you travel?

40.      How do you spend your vacations?

41.      How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?

42.      Do you read?

43.      What do you read?

44.      After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?

45.      After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?

46.      How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?

47.      How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?

48.      Do you like to write your feelings?

49.      If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?

50.      If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?

51.      How much time passes before you can forgive someone?

52.      How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?

53.      Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?

54.      Do your friends use foul language?

55.      Does your family use foul language?

56.      How do you express anger?

57.      How do you expect your spouse to express anger?

58.      What do you do when you are angry?

59.      When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?

60.      When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise,how should the conflict get resolved?

61.      Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.

62.      What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?

63.      Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?

64.      Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?

65.      Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?

66.      What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?

67.      How do you support your own health and nutrition?

68.      What is you definition of wealth?

69.      How do you spend money?

70.      How do you save money?

71.      How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?

72.      Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?

73.      Do you use credit cards?

74.      Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?

75.      What are you expecting from your spouse financially?

76.      What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?

77.      Do you support the idea of a working wife?

78.      If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?

79.      Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?

80.      Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?

81.      Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?

82.      Do you want to have children? If not, how come?

83.      To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?

84.      Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage?

85.      If not, when?

86.      Do you believe in abortion?

87.      Do you have children now?

88.      What is your relationship with your children now?

89.      What is your relationship with their other parent?

90.      What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?

91.      What is the best method(s) of raising children?

92.      What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?

93.      How were you raised?

94.      How were you disciplined?

95.      Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?

96.      Do you believe in public school for your children?

97.      Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?

98.      Do you believe in home schooling for your children?

99.      What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?

100.  Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?

101.  What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?

102.      If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?