Rights and Responsibilities of Husbands and Wives

Sometimes I get the feeling that men and women have no idea what to expect (or really warped expectations) from and of each other in marriage. Some guys imagine that they're getting a female slave, and some women feel they're either going to be a female slave, or be pampered and treated like princesses. So I did some reading, and I've compiled 2 lists: her rights over him, and his rights over her. I've left out references, but you should be able to find all the information you need in two books:


The Ideal Muslim, and the Ideal Muslimah (conveniently on sale together at islamicbookstore.com actually!)
http://www.islamicbookstore.com/idmusmus2vol.html


So here we go:

Her rights over him	His rights over her
That he maintain her	That she obey him in anything that is reasonable and within the religion.
That he protect her	That she make herself available to him
That he ensures she is fully educated as a Muslim	That she not go against his wishes  regarding her person and property by doing anything that he disapproves
That he give leadership to the family	That she not admit anyone he dislikes into the house.
That he feed her from what he feeds himself, when he feeds himself.	That she not leave the house without his permission.
That he clothe her in clothes equivalent in quality to what he clothes himself	That he can discipline her if she disobeys him in something good.
That he provide her shelter equal to what he shelters himself	That she serve him according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing.
That he listen to her advice in every situation	That she ask his permission to fast, when he is present, except for Ramadan.
That he provide her with a mahr (dowry)
That he provide her with spending money
That he not order her to do anything against religion.
That he does not hit her face
That he not boycott her except within the house.
That he respect and pay attention to her needs
That he provide a nursemaid, and hire help to cook/clean/babysit if needed.
That he avoid excessive jealousy.
That he not keep away from her so that she is in a state of suspense or distress, except with her consent. As in, when traveling.
That he not impose restrictions on her greater than those imposed by religion

You've probably noticed she has more rights over him. This is true, quantitatively she does. But QUALITATIVELY, he does. Obedience? That's pretty big I'd say. 


Now I feel obliged to mention that people should use their brains. For example: Yes the wife shouldn't leave the house without her husbands permission. Does that mean she needs to call him up and ask him if she can go get milk EVERY SINGLE TIME? Yes if he wants that, but I think it would just be easier to give her permission by default so that she doesn't need to ask. And face hitting? That doesn't even need to be IN here, just because you can do it doesn't mean you should, or it's commendable. Same with disciplining her, what is she? 12? That's more of a "if need be" right, not a "do it." right. These are just the rights I've found and are not a guideline for your marriage. Also, I've omitted the common stuff like "treat each other nicely, be honest with each other, love each other, TRY and make him/her love you. And while she should respect and pay attention to his needs to, I left it under her rights over him because it's easier for the guy to get carried away with his rights.  


Please, if I've made any mistakes, or if you feel I've left something out, let me know in the comments! :D