Rights and Responsibilities of Husbands and Wives

Sometimes I get the feeling that men and women have no idea what to expect (or really warped expectations) from and of each other in marriage. Some guys imagine that they're getting a female slave, and some women feel they're either going to be a female slave, or be pampered and treated like princesses. So I did some reading, and I've compiled 2 lists: her rights over him, and his rights over her. I've left out references, but you should be able to find all the information you need in two books:


The Ideal Muslim, and the Ideal Muslimah (conveniently on sale together at islamicbookstore.com actually!)
http://www.islamicbookstore.com/idmusmus2vol.html


So here we go:

Her rights over him	His rights over her
That he maintain her	That she obey him in anything that is reasonable and within the religion.
That he protect her	That she make herself available to him
That he ensures she is fully educated as a Muslim	That she not go against his wishes  regarding her person and property by doing anything that he disapproves
That he give leadership to the family	That she not admit anyone he dislikes into the house.
That he feed her from what he feeds himself, when he feeds himself.	That she not leave the house without his permission.
That he clothe her in clothes equivalent in quality to what he clothes himself	That he can discipline her if she disobeys him in something good.
That he provide her shelter equal to what he shelters himself	That she serve him according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing.
That he listen to her advice in every situation	That she ask his permission to fast, when he is present, except for Ramadan.
That he provide her with a mahr (dowry)
That he provide her with spending money
That he not order her to do anything against religion.
That he does not hit her face
That he not boycott her except within the house.
That he respect and pay attention to her needs
That he provide a nursemaid, and hire help to cook/clean/babysit if needed.
That he avoid excessive jealousy.
That he not keep away from her so that she is in a state of suspense or distress, except with her consent. As in, when traveling.
That he not impose restrictions on her greater than those imposed by religion

You've probably noticed she has more rights over him. This is true, quantitatively she does. But QUALITATIVELY, he does. Obedience? That's pretty big I'd say. 


Now I feel obliged to mention that people should use their brains. For example: Yes the wife shouldn't leave the house without her husbands permission. Does that mean she needs to call him up and ask him if she can go get milk EVERY SINGLE TIME? Yes if he wants that, but I think it would just be easier to give her permission by default so that she doesn't need to ask. And face hitting? That doesn't even need to be IN here, just because you can do it doesn't mean you should, or it's commendable. Same with disciplining her, what is she? 12? That's more of a "if need be" right, not a "do it." right. These are just the rights I've found and are not a guideline for your marriage. Also, I've omitted the common stuff like "treat each other nicely, be honest with each other, love each other, TRY and make him/her love you. And while she should respect and pay attention to his needs to, I left it under her rights over him because it's easier for the guy to get carried away with his rights.  


Please, if I've made any mistakes, or if you feel I've left something out, let me know in the comments! :D

Fast Every Day, Pray All Night

Fast and Prayer, probably the 2 most difficult things to do in Islam. We have to starve ourselves from dawn to sunset for fasting, and we have to get up 5 times a day (up to twice during the night occasionally), wash ourselves if need be, hold our bodily needs for 4 minutes while remembering and reciting stuff in arabic (which for many isn't their native language) and making sure we perform the prayer right. Compare that to zakat: a little bit of math and a cheque, and Hajj: (need I remind you we only HAVE to do this once?) fly overseas, go with the flow. 


This is probably why there's such great merit in fasting and prayer, so wouldn't it be marvellous if you could get the reward of fasting for a year, and praying all night without all the pesky fasting for a year and praying all night stuff? Turns out, you can!


Fasting all Year:


Abu Ayyub al-Ansari (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: He who observed the fast of Ramadan and then followed it with six (fasts) of shawwal. it would be as if he fasted perpetually.  (Muslim, Book #006, Hadith #2614)


Where by "perpetually" it's understood to mean "all year". 


Also, you don't have to fast them all together, just any six days throughout the month. Oh, and in case you didn't know, Shawwal is the month after Ramadan. 


But there's another way too!


Narrated Qatadah Ibn Malhan al-Qaysi: The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) used to command us to fast the days of the white (nights): thirteenth, fourteenth and fifteenth of the month. He said: This is like keeping perpetual fast.  (Sunan Abudawud, Book #13, Hadith #2443)


Where the "white nights" are the 3 nights where the moon is fullest, and "perpetual fast" I'm pretty sure means "all year". Of course, I assume you'd have to do this every month, but it's sunnah to fast 3 days of every month anyway. 


Praying all night:


'Abd al-Rahman b. Abd 'Amr reported: 'Uthman b. 'Affan (narrated the mosque after evening prayer and sat alone. I also sat alone with him, so he said: 0, son of my brother, I heard the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) say: He who observed the 'Isya' (Isha) prayer in congregation, it was as if he prayed up to the midnight, and he who prayed the morning prayer in congregation, it was as if he prayed the whole night.  (Muslim, Book #004, Hadith #1379)


So, pray Isha in congregation and you get half a nights worth of prayer, pray fajr in congregation and you get half a nights worth of prayer, pray them both and you get a whole nights worth of prayer. Now when, ladies and gentlemen, is it MOST beneficial to pray all night???? What 10 special nights of the year are we recommended to spend in prayer??? The last 10 nights of Ramadan of course! Happy Praying! :D

Smile and Be Encouraging

I mentioned last week about AdaptiveSolutions Daily Hadith app, but they have a matching website at http://dailyhadith.adaptivesolutionsinc.com/. 


I would like to share one of my favourite hadith and accompanying blurb, as it came up on the app! 
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Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Make things easy! And do not make them complicated! Be cheerful! And do not be repulsive.” [Sahih Bukhari]

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Teach and give good tidings! Make things easy, and do not make them hard!” [Ahmad ibn Hanbal]

These ahadith highlight the importance of being cheerful ourselves, encouraging others and making them optimistic. Imam Ibn al-Qayyim said that a believer should have two wings; one of fear and one of good hope in Allah. If a person were unrealistically optimistic, they would stop working to achieve their goals, thinking that things will come to them anyway. On the other hand, pessimism also prevents a person from acting, since they have no hope and see no good in doing anything. Therefore, as teachers we should encourage optimism at the same time that we discourage overconfidence.

The first hadith also points out that when a person is not cheerful, they do not possess the ability to draw other people to them, instead, they repel them. One of the ways to be cheerful is to smile. The Sahabah told us that nobody smiled more than the Prophet of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam). This is proof enough for us to smile.

Current research tells us that the physical act of smiling releases certain chemicals in our bodies that help us fight disease, produce happiness, and properly modulate sleep and appetite. In addition, when the brain and heart activity of volunteers was measured, it was seen that a smile gave the same level of stimulation that 2000 bars of chocolate would. Smiling encourages others to remember happy events, feel optimistic and be motivated. So, smile to make others more receptive to your message.
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Take a look at the website, you can make a little account and save your favourite hadiths to it!